Is this what it is? An episode?
I've been contemplating on what im gonna do for this next two months. Every minute now seems vital as im growing balder on the back of my head. Everyday the patch is spreading. But one thing good, and is not bad, that is growing, is my confidence. Having grown up with confidence as much as wild elephants living in jungles in Malaysia, its only fair. Sarcasm aside, I'm actually gonna work on my love life and bow out a happy, loved woman. Im not so good in articulating my feelings to someone so I gotta improve. Thoughts, i'm gonna.
I grew up not knowing what i wanna be. Its still an ongoing problem. But not anymore. Not in two months time, it wont. Because of the fact that i have such a short time tells me what i really want.
I always lose in the affection battle. My wanting to dream of it happening, rather than making it actually happen, always wins. Its an arcane aberration. And as frustrating as it is, not just to me but also to the affected party, i couldnt do anything. Even though i want to. Its like, liking some guy but he already has a girlfriend. You want to do something but you cant. Because if you kill his girlfriend, he's gonna hate you. and If you tell him secretly of your admiration for her, he's still gona hate you. So either way, there's no use. So, I'm gonna change all that. I'm gonna put things right.
Changing on the other hand, may not be so good. More often than not, it is a good way to solve problems. But sometimes, It creates more problems instead. I did try to change last time. I tried changing for a guy. In fact, I tried a little too hard that i was all caught up in changing myself. To be a better man they said. But its all useless. I might change. But Its never gonna change the fact that he doesnt like me. I gave up in the end So that is why i think i should change the plan instead of changing myself.
The first step to conquering your problem is to admit that you've got a problem. I did that. Im on the right track. I guess. The second step that i think i should do is to plan it out. Im not a big fan of planning actually. You see because plans are for people in control of their own lifes. Im not. But i do occassionally resort to strategic planning in some things i do. Of course none of those 'some things' work out.
But of course, it also depends on whether he's gonna accept just 2 months of me. That's, a whole different thing. If i got him to actually think about the above, that would already be an accomplishment for me. Cos guys, too are like nailing water on the wall.
So, at the moment, I'm working again. Just to kill boredom. Not as though im bored at home. Im a busy gal. But what better way is there to spend your 'holidays' other than working?. Its not as though i need the money. Its just that im used to it. This is like a holiday routine for me. But I didnt know I was gonna work for one day only. Although Its actually what I want.
I grew up not knowing what i wanna be. Its still an ongoing problem. But not anymore. Not in two months time, it wont. Because of the fact that i have such a short time tells me what i really want.
I always lose in the affection battle. My wanting to dream of it happening, rather than making it actually happen, always wins. Its an arcane aberration. And as frustrating as it is, not just to me but also to the affected party, i couldnt do anything. Even though i want to. Its like, liking some guy but he already has a girlfriend. You want to do something but you cant. Because if you kill his girlfriend, he's gonna hate you. and If you tell him secretly of your admiration for her, he's still gona hate you. So either way, there's no use. So, I'm gonna change all that. I'm gonna put things right.
Changing on the other hand, may not be so good. More often than not, it is a good way to solve problems. But sometimes, It creates more problems instead. I did try to change last time. I tried changing for a guy. In fact, I tried a little too hard that i was all caught up in changing myself. To be a better man they said. But its all useless. I might change. But Its never gonna change the fact that he doesnt like me. I gave up in the end So that is why i think i should change the plan instead of changing myself.
The first step to conquering your problem is to admit that you've got a problem. I did that. Im on the right track. I guess. The second step that i think i should do is to plan it out. Im not a big fan of planning actually. You see because plans are for people in control of their own lifes. Im not. But i do occassionally resort to strategic planning in some things i do. Of course none of those 'some things' work out.
But of course, it also depends on whether he's gonna accept just 2 months of me. That's, a whole different thing. If i got him to actually think about the above, that would already be an accomplishment for me. Cos guys, too are like nailing water on the wall.
So, at the moment, I'm working again. Just to kill boredom. Not as though im bored at home. Im a busy gal. But what better way is there to spend your 'holidays' other than working?. Its not as though i need the money. Its just that im used to it. This is like a holiday routine for me. But I didnt know I was gonna work for one day only. Although Its actually what I want.