L

"I need a hug. Nothing but a hug."

I miss us. But I don’t really know you. For some reason, knowing us isn’t interesting anymore. There’s nobody to blame anyway. I am moving on. But it is never in my favor of regretting meeting you then and knew little things about you. I still miss that. I know you would feel the same way too in a time of your life. So to ended my probably 160 characteristics in this speech, take care of yourself, until we meet again and goodbye. 

Coming back to my home town gives me just right amount of nostalgia feeling every time I get out and get about with errands or simply an impromptu adventure. Im not shocked half the people recognize me immediately even with mask on.  There's this part that I will keep telling you about something that instilled my heart for reasons I may not fully understand but space in my heart is filled with his and our old memories so the next time I found myself crossed path with him, I know what kind of reaction I'll be contemplating of doing.  Moving forward, suddenly today my mind was in peace. I kind of believe something special is in store for me just to be unravel just yet.  I found the woman who make me want to be hopeful and be on top of my game, quintessentially, she is so gorgeous and I hope they will make it to the end happily. I pray everyone's safety and I wish people life's journey isn't too rough on edges. I don't plan to rant sometimes soon, I wanna

He is impossible, I know, and often an encumbrance, but he’s always appealing and noble and I love him so dearly. A man to love and given his all, a man and his forgiving heart, very protective when it’s come to family, I get that.  I love a man who would stop doing anything and have time for family so they get closer day by day. Man who knew me well that I knew nothing about, man who would hug me every possible time, even to a fight he would. But I’m so prone in making my other half happy as a happy kid myself.  With all my heart, i do. To fed him hot cooked food, make him walk to the beach with me, playing with sand I been on the edge lately, I could possibly imagine what would my life turn out to be for the next five or fifteen years. Yes, I’ve been dreaming and honestly slept the entire period in class, which is not happening according to my perspectival attitude, but I caught myself in any moment teacher stop explaining what they did, I’m dreaming.

For most of my life I was only able to identify two feelings which are anger and guilt. Now that I am in recovery I am faced with the task of not only adding to my feelings list but also being able to express them in a non-shaming way. What usually happens is that I become speechless trying to identify what I am feeling and find the words to express it. By the time I kind of know what to say, something else is happening. Expressing joy is one of the feelings I’m having a hard time recognizing and expressing. Growing up I learned not to get excited about things because they either never took place or I didn’t get what I was promised, so why get excited beforehand? But now I’m an adult and can handle disappointment, right? I embarked on the task to learn how to express my feelings. I asked friends if they knew any books on the subject, particularly joy. I googled it without much luck. I am happy and content most of the time, so how do I go about expressing it to the peo