New File 001.pdf
"There is no agony than bearing an untold story inside you" to quote Maya Angelou. I have overcoming my anxiety by extending myself to my mother's liking, writing long message to John (to which I think little response than I expected but I got fresh eggs for the evening and I handpicked my favorite long brinjal that I ate immediately) Writing long message to Nisa. (She was in turmoil) Wake up and meditate. Do you master multitasking? Do you know we are actually bad in multitasking. Only takes more than 3 months to master the actual multitasking.
I recently read about a hard working person when she first immigrated to US almost have nothing and every reason to be in despair. Behind with rent, broke, a newborn, couldn't help her parent who needed help. Both being unable to help her, she had to help herself. Not just being strong but willing to get out of poverty living. Reading through she went in to Law Schools, opened cleaning company, help her friends where both successfully made it into 10 Top Best Listed Company list. She got through it. I hope other who faced that difficulties now have wills to get out of it any way possible. I pray this struggles will come ease to anyone who eventually will find lights. Passed through it. I hope I can channel my energy for people who needed my help most. I know I mostly lucky bestowed with the kind of life I have by now but defined myself true aspect of struggle to being able to be that strong rises from. This type of subconscious always implore the meaning behind it once I took time to think of it inside my brain and my heart or the other way around, whichever come first. Regardless as to what the original intent, quite often I later read something I've written and realized that this consciousness added multiple level of meaning and I aware of the possibilities, no, probabilities of this occuring.
Company car got hit today when I was at the Gas Station proceeding this one task that needed to be done. It was 11:00 p.m and by the level of everyone energy, I took a disappointment look and bear what was meant to happened. Skipped to how the truck driver managed to even hit the fucken car is beyond me. I had to call my boss, asked these two gentlemen their name card, took photos of their truck address, their truck plat number and most importantly, no one was hurt. I looked at the scratches and I remember now that this look like a total disappointment. Maybe the Universe was trying to tell me something.
I know we have different kind of struggles. I also been told that there is effective way to channel your struggle or problems today in a paper as you write them all for 20 minutes and then you throw out or burn or any disposable way you can think of to get rid of it. It's the psychology of wanting to get rid of the letter will help you get rid of the thoughts that you had in the first place. I used to keep memories of my childhood in books. I still have those log book full of teared magazine paper that I personally kept. I feel like writing this love letter to someone whom I fond of. I not only been writing about my feelings, I write about everything I saw and feel that day. What make sense nowadays anyway.
"Did you received my letter, humane?"
"No i never did"
"Oh, really? Must be flew round wrong address... Are you sure?"
"Hm, yeah."
"Mmm okay that's weird"
• • •
I try so hard this year especially this merriment of this month, to not get drunk because I tend to drink myself off. Wait a minute, I never got drunk, I just self fluctuated as remotely as my brain justify to what had consumed to be part of my sleep apnea likely to occur. I only drunk myself off in my safe zone. Sound depressing cause I celebrated most Christmas alone if not working, I try not write as much "i need a drink" because I am struggling. I guess I will deny that I love to drink but I need myself a help to recover. I try to be better by not just saying this but disputably being over it as easy as loving someone else. Ah bliss of handling disappointment gracefully. So I finally wrote first entry of what I want in my life to work out the rest of my life.
#1. I want a big kitchen like Christy Teigen had.
Hold on, I wrote that thousand times ago somewhere. I meant first entry on what type of a guy I look for the next time I look at them. Did I waste my time again, wondering why and what. Aha, I keep running away from going out for date.
Then sometimes while walking heading to Lobby from my tree house, I intentionally thought of my effacing and accommodating self, could be the death of my naivety if I don't realized it by now. I put everyone else above my needs. I worried myself of other unsolved problems. And I cried because I let myself down if I failed. I only been around with just paper and pen to write my woes. I love myself even more when I think of it. I won't be as bad then if I able to do it as long as I can be. Does that even make sense anymore. Yes it does, the perverse pleasure of inducing myself over the negative contrast positive the kind of martyr complex of thoughts it does to me. It's like my mind finds a logical, perfectly plausible reason to destroys myself.
Why do you change again?
I feel like it. Why not?
I feel like you're changing. Just that.
P/s: Thank you, I know.
Ps/s: If she ended with a polite Thank yous, she care less of your opinion of her. If she does, she would asked what do you think of the change. You see Liyana's mental energy will be expend to a fruition. Liyana always channel productivity thoughts. Alicia Keys do sounds hopeful when she said everything means nothing if she ain't got you though. Okay Alicia! Now moving on to The Diary Of Jane by Breaking Benjamin Odyssey.
I recently read about a hard working person when she first immigrated to US almost have nothing and every reason to be in despair. Behind with rent, broke, a newborn, couldn't help her parent who needed help. Both being unable to help her, she had to help herself. Not just being strong but willing to get out of poverty living. Reading through she went in to Law Schools, opened cleaning company, help her friends where both successfully made it into 10 Top Best Listed Company list. She got through it. I hope other who faced that difficulties now have wills to get out of it any way possible. I pray this struggles will come ease to anyone who eventually will find lights. Passed through it. I hope I can channel my energy for people who needed my help most. I know I mostly lucky bestowed with the kind of life I have by now but defined myself true aspect of struggle to being able to be that strong rises from. This type of subconscious always implore the meaning behind it once I took time to think of it inside my brain and my heart or the other way around, whichever come first. Regardless as to what the original intent, quite often I later read something I've written and realized that this consciousness added multiple level of meaning and I aware of the possibilities, no, probabilities of this occuring.
Company car got hit today when I was at the Gas Station proceeding this one task that needed to be done. It was 11:00 p.m and by the level of everyone energy, I took a disappointment look and bear what was meant to happened. Skipped to how the truck driver managed to even hit the fucken car is beyond me. I had to call my boss, asked these two gentlemen their name card, took photos of their truck address, their truck plat number and most importantly, no one was hurt. I looked at the scratches and I remember now that this look like a total disappointment. Maybe the Universe was trying to tell me something.
I know we have different kind of struggles. I also been told that there is effective way to channel your struggle or problems today in a paper as you write them all for 20 minutes and then you throw out or burn or any disposable way you can think of to get rid of it. It's the psychology of wanting to get rid of the letter will help you get rid of the thoughts that you had in the first place. I used to keep memories of my childhood in books. I still have those log book full of teared magazine paper that I personally kept. I feel like writing this love letter to someone whom I fond of. I not only been writing about my feelings, I write about everything I saw and feel that day. What make sense nowadays anyway.
"Did you received my letter, humane?"
"No i never did"
"Oh, really? Must be flew round wrong address... Are you sure?"
"Hm, yeah."
"Mmm okay that's weird"
I try so hard this year especially this merriment of this month, to not get drunk because I tend to drink myself off. Wait a minute, I never got drunk, I just self fluctuated as remotely as my brain justify to what had consumed to be part of my sleep apnea likely to occur. I only drunk myself off in my safe zone. Sound depressing cause I celebrated most Christmas alone if not working, I try not write as much "i need a drink" because I am struggling. I guess I will deny that I love to drink but I need myself a help to recover. I try to be better by not just saying this but disputably being over it as easy as loving someone else. Ah bliss of handling disappointment gracefully. So I finally wrote first entry of what I want in my life to work out the rest of my life.
#1. I want a big kitchen like Christy Teigen had.
Hold on, I wrote that thousand times ago somewhere. I meant first entry on what type of a guy I look for the next time I look at them. Did I waste my time again, wondering why and what. Aha, I keep running away from going out for date.
Then sometimes while walking heading to Lobby from my tree house, I intentionally thought of my effacing and accommodating self, could be the death of my naivety if I don't realized it by now. I put everyone else above my needs. I worried myself of other unsolved problems. And I cried because I let myself down if I failed. I only been around with just paper and pen to write my woes. I love myself even more when I think of it. I won't be as bad then if I able to do it as long as I can be. Does that even make sense anymore. Yes it does, the perverse pleasure of inducing myself over the negative contrast positive the kind of martyr complex of thoughts it does to me. It's like my mind finds a logical, perfectly plausible reason to destroys myself.
Why do you change again?
I feel like it. Why not?
I feel like you're changing. Just that.
P/s: Thank you, I know.
Ps/s: If she ended with a polite Thank yous, she care less of your opinion of her. If she does, she would asked what do you think of the change. You see Liyana's mental energy will be expend to a fruition. Liyana always channel productivity thoughts. Alicia Keys do sounds hopeful when she said everything means nothing if she ain't got you though. Okay Alicia! Now moving on to The Diary Of Jane by Breaking Benjamin Odyssey.