Solid Statement

"I need a hug. Nothing but a hug."

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Is this what it is? An episode?

I've been contemplating on what im gonna do for this next two months. Every minute now seems vital as im growing balder on the back of my head. Everyday the patch is spreading. But one thing good, and is not bad, that is growing, is my confidence. Having grown up with confidence as much as wild elephants living in jungles in Malaysia, its only fair. Sarcasm aside, I'm actually gonna work on my love life and bow out a happy, loved woman. Im not so good in articulating my feelings to someone so I gotta improve. Thoughts, i'm gonna. I grew up not knowing what i wanna be. Its still an ongoing problem. But not anymore. Not in two months time, it wont. Because of the fact that i have such a short time tells me what i really want. I always lose in the affection battle. My wanting to dream of it happening, rather than making it actually happen, always wins. Its an arcane aberration. And as frustrating as it is, not just to me but also to the affected party, i couldnt do anything. E...
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Listening to Chet Faker

Quarantine days in got me thought about my lost soul. I don't want to be centered as a lost soul. How I wish I can make perfect argumentation for this issue with other than myself. I thought of someone I know and adding pressure for our friendship. I get it. For the lack of a better term. Despite being in a loving romance, I found that sexual attraction is confusing, euphoric, maddening, even dangerous. Which the mechanism that chooses and controls the objects of sexual desire can only be found in the heart of the unexplained. You should see that I was more of staring at the ceiling walls for this thoughts to be processed. Imagining me saying my 22 old self, "I was 22, which is young. I just got sober, so I was already adjusting to just actually being in reality. Then i'm travelling around the world, getting recognized, so I was getting used to that for a couple of years. Then I moved to New York. I think, for the first time in my life, I actually was able to get used to m...
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Seether said Fine Again.

Little things, how I tap finger against my thumb every time I walk out in public, how I assemble my things so it fit in a bag or trolley, how its look like when I change your expression because I am trying, very, to avoid biting my nail and all of the sudden I just damn don’t care with the rest of the things that happen on the earth for few sec, that had me hit anyone else’s foot by accident when I walk.  So, I kind of realize, no I seriously did... I get misunderstood by people quite often. Often it leads to, I have to say something else to make both either me or the other person, feel better. It’s like; I am drown and suffocated with the things I should said. Its the guilt. Now I'm afraid to get understood slightly of the unprepared possibility spiral of what's going down later. And  I am not good in telling the truth – whole truth, and I am not good in telling lie. I ended up, you know…. Always have to keep it to myself. So truth does hurt, so does stomachac...
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